I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize