biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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