you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
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