I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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