Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
