Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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