I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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