I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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