Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
