He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
