I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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