I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize