you mean i was at the winter classic?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You're like the curious george of whores
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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