he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize