Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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