She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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