Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
