also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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