Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
