I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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