i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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