Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
