recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
