when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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