Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
