yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
