are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
