The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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