I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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