The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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