LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
