I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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