I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
