Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
