i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
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