She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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