it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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