Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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