Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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