I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
