You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize