ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
