they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
