My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And then my night got REAL pukey
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
