He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize