Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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