I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
