me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
