We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
