I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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