I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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