u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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