you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
