Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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