I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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