My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You smell like stripper and shame
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
