This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
