Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
