why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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