If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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