last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
