Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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