I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
