A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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