i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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