Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
