I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
That reminds me...we need to get swords
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize