I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
