In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
