I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
