I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
