i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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