Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
