i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
