I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
