Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
