Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
