Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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