ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You ruined the universe
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
