Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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