We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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