Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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