I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
