If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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