Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize