Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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