so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
