hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize