Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize