Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
