I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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