I wish I could teleport
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
