dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
