we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Your cock deserves a montage
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
