Having a random hookup so left but love u
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
