dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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