R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
