we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
