my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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