We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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