I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
