Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
