where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
