i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
