I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
