accomplished twins. life is a go
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
