blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
