the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
