guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
