Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
