does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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