I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
