I didn't shave. On purpose
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
