The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
