Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
